Cardinal

Posted in Uncategorized on May 21, 2007 by organicsauce

She fears this fear
gripping her inner child
Taking and taking
you feast on her
emotional carrion
You see her eyes swollen with tears
You hear it in her voice, the crackle of fears
Defeat
You watch as she shakes with frustration
unable to express
Or maybe you just don’t listen

Yet you feast, knowing she will not resist
or wander
but tremble
Your slave, yours to use
Suppressed and caged, you drain
Taking her for granted
Taking her like everyone else does
Taking advantage
Taking what you think belongs to you
Laughing as you are gluttonous
She is there for your pleasure
Feeding your lust and desires
Your insecurities
It’s in her nature
To give
And make everyone else happy
And you take

You say you love her
Do you?Look out
She is becoming weary
She is tired of being tired
Frustrated with the frustration
No longer willing to just be
Her will is growing, even as you try to destroy it
And it will be too late
When you realize it’s too late
And you will say you are “sorry” and you will beg
And she will push you aside
With new life, new strength
No longer the source of your pleasure
But looking for her own
Pleasure
No longer being feasted on by you
Predator
No longer pretending that it’s alright
No longer

With sunset fading
Casting shadows on the river
Water moving, a natural flow
Fluid and majestic, seemingly calm
Yet powerful
So beautiful
So calming
Often underestimated
Clearly misunderstood
Like her

She smiles, her toes touch the cold water
The sound of the cardinal in its tree
Watching
She smiles
Alone never felt so good
A rebirth
Maturity
A natural change
Her destiny
Belongs to her

The cardinal takes off
Soaring in to the darkening night
Singing
Free
She watches
“That is me….”

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Fire Brings Change

Posted in Uncategorized on May 18, 2007 by organicsauce

Standing at the edge of the forest fire
I can feel the heat and smell the smoke
Ashes fill the sky and burns my lungs
My eyes sting with tears of dead things
The fire burns, making the change
The change inevitable, the heat incredible
The winds push and feeds the flame

I step in

Engulfed in the fire and flame
The pain as my skin begins to melt
Suffocating and can’t breathe
I can’t see where I am going
And I begin to lose myself
The sound
So loud

Then nothing

I am one with the smoke
I am one with the fire
I am fuel for the heat
I am rising above and accepting this change
I will go where the wind takes me
I will find a new home
I will begin again, fresh and new
I will live and I will be fine

Now, what about you?

Blur

Posted in Uncategorized on May 14, 2007 by organicsauce

Who can I blame?
This is insane
The pain
Betrayed by my own self
and sadness brings
a certain sense
of awakening

Trust is gone
Love is lost

I get a grip
I lose control
I see what to do
I know
But I am afraid to take action
and I am a coward

I struggle to not struggle
Alone with my frustrations
I fear my fears
and I see my future

through the blur of my shed tears

Again

Posted in Uncategorized on March 26, 2007 by organicsauce

With a tear in her eye
she says good bye
Finding strength within
to begin
her new life

Fallen
but not down
She picks herself back up
and challenges her will
and laughs at the mirror

Too much advice
Empty bottles
and DR’s prescriptions
So much for the pills
Nothing helps her sleep

She sings her new song
Her own music
Her own words
Her own voice
Her own life

Again

The First Step

Posted in Uncategorized on March 24, 2007 by organicsauce

I spent a lot of time looking outside through my windows. I often wonder what it must be like out there. Each window shows me a slightly different view. It’s much more interesting than the inside of this house. I love my house. Don’t get me wrong. It is my shelter. I feel safe and secure, even if it has become boring. But the lovely distractions of the opportunities outside keep me looking, staring, and dreaming. I touched the door the other day. It was so tempting to open it and just see what was on the other side. What was it like? Did it smell different? Feel different? But I didn’t turn the knob. Hell, I didn’t even unlock the door. I was afraid. But that was the other day. Since then, I had discovered courage and I guess I was just tired of being bored inside, even it if was safe and secure. So, with a nervous hand I unlocked my front door. I stood there, calling myself names and wondering if I had the balls to open the door or if I was just full of crap. I decided that I was going to prove to myself that I was a real man and that I could do this. So I grabbed the knob and I turned it. The door opened with no real effort at all, which surprised me. I thought it would be much harder to open. But it was easy. Without really thinking, I stepped through the doorway and outside. Even as I was doing so, I could tell it was the wrong thing to do. Before I could stop myself, however, I lost my balance and fell face first to the ground. I heard the door slam behind me as my mouth got its first taste of the real world. I lay there, spitting out dirt and blood and feeling my heart beat so fast I thought I was going to die. I lifted my head so that I could see beyond the grass and my vision was clouded with salty tears. What had I done?

Burning

Posted in Uncategorized on January 24, 2007 by organicsauce

I feel the eyes
of unseen ghosts

Staring at me
like a child
I still am
so afraid of the dark
and the temptations
of an over active mind

Silence screaming
in the center of my brain
Thought I was losing it
but that was just a dream

Another kind of pain
Smoke burns my eyes
I may be going insane

There must be
something else
What makes me want to be
so far away from here

This time
for good

Solitude

Posted in Uncategorized on January 20, 2007 by organicsauce

Showered in the moonlight
Naked and exposed
She sits alone at night
Knees pulled to her chest
Afraid to let her feet touch the ground
The chains hold her in her prison
Trapped in a cloak of low self esteem
Like a caged beast
She looks around
The moonlight shines through dirty windows
Casting shadows seen with blurred vision
She finds the strength deep inside
But not the will
She’s not going back
She’s here for good
And no one is there to break her fall
But it doesn’t matter
Not anymore
It feels like no one is on her side
Yet again
She heard it in the wind
She knew it was the end
Waiting – she’s lost her voice
from crying too loud